And I'll tell you no lies
by strwbrygrl77
Summary: Companion to 'Ask me no questions'. "I could still see him going down in that warehouse when the bomb went off, his blood on my hands. . . ." Is Jane's relationship with Kurt over before it starts? Written in Jane's POV
_A/N: Thank you, everyone, who favorited and reviewed my first Blindspot fan fiction. This is a follow up piece to that one and is written for those of you who wanted MORE! It is from Jane's POV, and takes place right after the episode where Weller is injured in the bomb blast (sorry, I don't pay attention to the episode titles!). The episodes all kind of blend together in my head, but I realize that Oscar didn't kiss Jane this soon in the series, but for the sake of my story, he does._

 _Disclaimer: Don't own it. If I did, Jane wouldn't trust Oscar as much as she does - because there's something fishy about that guy. . . ._

* * *

"I can't lose you."

I blinked at the raw emotion in his voice, the moisture he blinked back, and knew that I should feel something for the man in front of me, still damp from his plunge into the Atlantic. He was right, I had been concerned; I hadn't wanted him to die. This was the man who held so many answers to who I had been before I had willingly erased my memory – if he died, I didn't know who else was going to fill in those blanks.

But the truth of the matter was, all the time spent with him today, all the hours I had spent running and looking over my shoulder and leading Cade away from my team, my thoughts had never been far from Kurt. I could still see him going down in that warehouse when the bomb went off, could still see his blood on my hands as I desperately tried to staunch the flow as we waited for the ambulance.

"Taylor?"

I was jerked back to the present by Oscar's voice and the fact that he stood no less than two feet from me. I cleared my throat and backed up a step. "I am glad that you're OK, but-"

The rest of my words were lost as Oscar closed the distance and caught my mouth with his. At first I was too shocked to do anything but stand there as the memories of our past unspooled in my brain like some forgotten movie but then I felt the anger building in my stomach. I wasn't that person anymore – he didn't know me anymore. I wasn't his to kiss, to hold, or make love to.

I managed to get my hands between us and placing my palms on his chest, I shoved as hard as I could. Oscar immediately backed off, running a nervous hand through his hair. "Taylor, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

I shook my head. "No, you shouldn't have. And don't call me that – my name is Jane."

He stared at me in surprise. "You – one of the first questions you asked me was if you were really Taylor Shaw and now – I'm afraid I don't understand."

I shrugged. "I don't really care if you understand or not – the name is Jane."

He reached a hand towards me and I backed further away. "Tay- Jane, what's wrong?"

"You can seriously ask me that after a day like today? When my entire team was put in jeopardy because of me?"

"They're not your team, Jane. You're not FBI."

I didn't want to argue with him. We'd gone round and round this issue before and it hadn't led anyplace productive. "What's our next move?"

Oscar's eyebrows rose slightly, surprised that I was willing to drop the subject but didn't comment. "Get some sleep – tomorrow's another day. If Patterson's team doesn't crack another tattoo, I'll send an email."

I shivered. "Just another day at the office?"

"Exactly."

"And you're sure Cade is dead?"

Oscar went still. "Of course he's dead – what makes you ask that?"

"I just know that he must have had the same rigorous training as us – so he could also hold his breath for a long time."

Oscar shook his head. "I shot him, Jane."

"Yeah, in the gut – not the head. The FBI will never find your body because you're alive – what if-"

"Stop it. He's dead."

I shivered again as I turned to leave. "I wonder."

* * *

Seventy-two hours.

That's how long it had been since I had been safe, warm, and secure in Kurt's arms in my bed. It felt like a lifetime since I had come home to find him in his underwear, standing in my kitchen browning sausages, and telling me that he wanted another moment that was just us. The next few hours that followed still seemed like some sort of dream – something that hadn't really happened, because the next three days had been another circle of hell. Tasha had been kidnapped and we had busted the most unique human trafficking ring Mayfair said she'd ever come across.

Then we'd barely caught our breath before the longest day of my life started – well, the longest one I can remember. Kurt was nearly killed, I had to go on the run because I realized that I was the true target (along with Oscar) before in the end being reunited with my team. But before I could go home and check on Kurt, I'd had to see if Oscar had made it and that Cade was really dead.

Now I was stumbling up the steps to my house, trying to talk myself out of going to check on Kurt after a shower and quick catnap. His father wasn't well, not to mention the fact that I didn't want to wake Sarah and Sawyer. I could see him tomorrow – he was alive, that was the important part. The fact that my body was aching for his touch and that I needed to touch his skin, feel his heartbeat beneath mine – I shivered. Since when had I become so needy?

I unlocked the front door and stepped inside, my eyes falling on the sight of Kurt's sneakers by the little table I put my keys and mail on. I breathed deeply, smelling the light scent of his aftershave and wandered down the hall to my bedroom, nudging the partially closed door open. He was sound asleep in bed, his arms curled around my pillow. All thoughts of a shower left my mind. I wanted nothing more than to join him in bed, skin to skin, and do nothing more than sleep. A brief flash of anger went through me as I pulled my sweatshirt over my head and threw it in the hamper. _He should still be in the hospital. He could have died today – and it's all my fault._

"Babe? Is that you?"

I whirled at the sound of his sleep-filled voice. He had raised his head off the pillow and was looking at me with surprisingly clear eyes. "Shh," I whispered, reaching out and running a hand down his cheek. "Go back to sleep, I'll be there in a minute."

He snagged my wrist and pulled me to him, our lips colliding, my naked chest pressing against his and I moaned in contentment. This contact was all I had been craving for the past seventy-two hours. My arms slid up his chest and encountered the band-aid on the left side of his neck; my lips left his with a popping sound.

"What's wrong?"

I swallowed and leaned my forehead against his. "You nearly died today, because of-"

His thumb swiped over my lips, closing my mouth. "Don't. You and I both know that this job – mine, yours, OURS – doesn't come with a guarantee. We have to just be grateful for every day we have."

"I know, but –" I swallowed the emotion trying to think of the words I wanted to say, finally settling on the words he had said to me earlier in the evening and had been repeated by Oscar. "I can't lose you either."

His lips covered mine as his hands began their slow journey of worshipping every inch of bare skin he could reach. When he discovered I still had pants on, he growled.

"I told you I wasn't ready to join you yet," I laughed. "Besides, I don't think your doctor would approve of this kind of exercise. You should be resting, Kurt." I traced the shell of his ear.

He shivered at my touch. "We can do slow and gentle, babe."

I pulled back and looked him in the eye. "What's with the pet name?"

"Don't you like it, Janie?"

I slapped his butt. "Don't call me Janie – I'm not five years old, Weller."

"I hope not – that would make me a pedophile."

I tried to smack him again but he caught my hand. "Ah- remember, we're doing gentle tonight. Let's save the spanking for another time."

I gasped and he took advantage of my open mouth to invade it with his tongue and I moaned as he lowered me to the bed.

* * *

I rolled away to pull the sheet up to cover my sweaty skin and Kurt snuggled me from behind.

"See, slow and gentle was nice, right?"

I turned back to cup his cheek with one hand. "I'm not going to admit you were right, Kurt-" I gasped as I drew my hand back and saw there was blood on the palm. Jerking to a sitting position, I lifted his chin up. "Damn it, Weller! You opened your wound. Stay right there while I get my first aid kit!"

"Babe, I'm sure-"

I glared at him as I dashed from the bed. "Don't you dare sweet talk me right now."

I felt like precious seconds were being wasted as I dashed for the bathroom and searched for the kit that I hadn't had occasion to need at this location, at least not yet. I remembered being attacked at the first safe house and nearly depleting the meager kit before being rushed to the hospital but so far this house had been secure. My hands finally closed around it and I rushed back to the bed where I found Kurt propped up, his hands folded in his lap, waiting for me with a big smile on his face.

"Do you know how happy it makes me to see how comfortable you are around me now? I remember the first time we had sex and you wanted to turn the lights out, remember?"

I grunted as I opened a package of gauze and slapped it against the side of his neck, applying slight pressure to stop the bleeding.

"And now here you are, running around your bedroom, stark naked, not a care in the world-"

"Kurt, shut up!" I ripped the band-aid off his neck, something I should have done before I applied the gauze but I couldn't think straight with him talking and yes the fact that I was running around naked was distracting me, but I couldn't let him know that. My fingers trembled slightly against his skin and he clasped the fingers of my free hand.

"Jane, I'm OK."

That was not the right thing to say. The trembling increased and soon I was shaking so hard I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to hold the gauze against his wound. "You are not OK," I snapped. "You should be in the hospital, Kurt. I can't believe you checked yourself out against the doctor's orders – against Mayfair's orders. Why?"

"You know why. For the same reason you ran."

I shook my head as I ripped my hand from his and tried to get my shaking hands to open a new band-aid. "I ran to protect the team, Kurt, not just you. You checked yourself out of the hospital because of me."

He cupped my face and waited until our eyes locked. "Yes, I did. I knew that mother fucker was targeting you and I had to be available to help you, not lying down in some hospital bed. I love you, Jane, and I will always protect you and come for you – with my last breath."

I threw myself against his chest. "Please don't say that. Do you realize how close you came? You were bleeding out in my arms today, Kurt. A piece of that bomb nicked your jugular and if – and if-"

"Shh." He pulled me close and I buried my face in his neck, not caring if some of his blood got in my hair. "Do you want to stop, Jane?"

I drew back from him in surprise. "What?"

"Do you want to stop?"

I licked my lips. "Stop what?"

"Stop seeing each other."

I felt like my stomach had dropped to my toes. "Why would you ask me that?"

He caressed my cheek. "Because I don't want to make things harder for you than they already are-"

"Kurt-"

He gripped my shoulders. "No, listen to me, Jane. You know now that you are responsible for the tattoos and you want to quit but can't because they are helping people. But you still don't remember anything about your mission or why you did this to yourself. I promised that you and I are in this together. That won't change no matter if we're in a personal relationship or not. I don't want to make things more complicated for you." He cleared his throat and dropped his hands. "There's a reason why so many FBI agents are single – this isn't an easy life to ask someone to share, to try and raise a family in an atmosphere of constant uncertainty and danger. I don't want to lose you again – and I won't. Having you in my life in any capacity will be enough."

I licked my lips and tried not to grin as I listened to his speech, wondering who he was trying to convince- himself or me. "Are you finished? Can I speak now?"

He nodded.

"Before we go any further I need to tell you something. Oscar kissed me tonight."

He flinched and the vein in his temple throbbed to life but he remained silent.

"Don't you have anything to say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Damn it, Kurt. I'm yours, fight for me."

His eyes met mine and for the first time I saw the uncertainty in them. "Are you?"

My mouth fell open in surprise. "I didn't want him to kiss me, and I sure as hell didn't kiss him back."

"Then why are you telling me about it?"

"Because I don't want there to be any lies between us – anything that people could use as ammunition. I need you to trust me, the way I trust you."

"I do trust you, Jane."

I scooted closer to him and picked the band-aid back up, unwrapped it and stuck it on his wound. "Then trust and believe when I say that I don't want to stop seeing you. Being with you – it's the one thing in my life, Kurt, that is keeping me sane. You make me feel safe," I kissed his wound, "and secure," his jaw, "and loved." I hovered over his mouth and he swooped in to capture my lips.

"I just got scared today," I confessed when he pulled away to study my eyes.

"Me too," he admitted. "When I woke up after surgery and Mayfair said you were gone – I realized you were the target."

"And that I'd left to protect the team."

He nodded. "Don't ever do that again, babe."

I arched an eyebrow. "Only if you promise to do the same."

Kurt managed to keep a straight face for five seconds before he grinned. "I can't do that-"

"Me neither."

He sighed and pulled me to his chest as he laid back down, taking me with him. "So, what's our next move?"

I smiled as he unknowingly parroted the words I'd spoken to Oscar a few hours before. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. I'd like to get some sleep before the next mission overtakes us."

He kissed the top of my head. "Sounds good. Maybe I should go-"

I tilted my head to catch his eyes, and at the same time wrapped myself tighter around him. "Can you stay for a while? No more exercise, Kurt, I just want you to hold me."

He brushed some hair out of my eyes. "I set my alarm for five – so we still have time."

I settled my head over his heart, listening to its steady beat. "Not enough," I mumbled as I began to drift and I felt his arms tighten around me in response. "It will never be enough."

* * *

 _A/N: The muses kind of surprised me where they took this one. Push the button and leave me a review!_


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